Reason #140 – My Dad…AGAIN

I was in the city for an exam and Dad was in the city drinking with colleagues so I agreed to meet him at the bar and he’d drive me home.

My Dad was introducing me to everyone when he got to a boy about my age he stopped. He placed his hand on my shoulder and nodding at the boy said, “this is a Fulham supporter. You’re a Norwich supporter. Incompatible…Now that’s out of the way, this is Tom.”

Yep.

Reason #139 – Ice cream and chocolate

I love ice cream.

I love chocolate.

Therefore I really love when they’re both combined, such as in the case of Cornettos and Drumsticks.

So you would think my perfect date would involve one of these…no.

I have a slight issue with these ice creams – mainly that I can only eat them in private because well…umm…this happens:

I get ice cream all over my face

Yep. Just like a child.

No matter how careful I am I always end up with chocolate all over my face. Mainly my nose.

I have no idea how (and no big nose jokes)

Therefore it’s best to just not eat them in public…unless there’s a bathroom close by that I can dash into with a napkin over my mouth pretending I’m having a coughing fit.

Reason #113 – And the laughing leads to…

As a result of the giggling fit I then developed a serious case of the hiccoughs (or hiccups, however you want to spell it)… this then led to him laughing.

It’s true

Reason #104 – Even nature doesn’t want me dating

So I went out for coffee with a boy, but it wasn’t a date, it was more than that… I was catching up with my ex. Not the most recent one that I broke up with, but the one before that, the one who broke up with me.

Any girl who has experienced this knows the protocol – you have to look hot. Even if you feel nothing for him and you don’t want anything to happen you have to look hot! You’re not trying to win him back, you’re showing him what he’s missing.

With that at the forefront of my mind, I got ready.

• Make-up – not obvious but enough to stop me looking like a ghost – check.
• Skin tight jeans – check.
• Nice top with just a hint of cleavage – check.
• Perfectly straight hair – check.
• Pumped up kicks – check .

Of course I was late (it’s reason #92!)

Anyway when I finally get there it’s busy so we sit outside. There I am being my usual witty, charming self (well, in my mind anyway…) when something wet hits my hand. My first thought is rain (oh my god my hair!) but it’s worse… a bird has crapped on me.

Ex starts giggling and quips, “Isn’t that supposed to be good luck?”

Well I guess I’m lucky it didn’t get on my hair… I easily able to wipe it off my hand…

The point is, even nature is against me going out with boys!

Reason #101 – Nightlights and Confessions

So I a couple of weeks ago I had a boy over to watch football with me. 

He went to use the bathroom and when he came back, I of course managed to put my foot in it:

Him: Are you afraid of the dark?
Me: No! Is this about the nightlight?
Him: It’s just there are a lot of lights on when you’re here by yourself…wait what? *Starts laughing*
Me: It’s not what you think!
Him: *raises eyebrow*
Me: I keep tripping over at night so Dad put a nightlight in the hall so I can see where I’m going… not that it helps…
Him: *laughing again*

Reason #64 – My height

I’m not particularly tall or short, just average. 

The problem with this is it means sinks are always at crotch height and I have a horrible habit of leaning against them. So if I go to the bathroom, it ends up looking like I didn’t quite make it.

 

Reason #36 – I am awkward

I’m quite socially awkward and unlike Zooey Deschanel, I don’t have the ability to turn it into “adorkable,” I just come across as really awkward. 

Why can’t I own my awkwardness like Zooey!?!

I can start a conversation, I can do small talk, that’s fine. It’s when the conversation/date progresses and then moves to silence that I begin to struggle. 

To me all silences seem awkward. This will lead to me blurting out the first thing that pops into my head.

These are real examples of my awkwardness. Cringe away.

Example 1
Me: You’re actually smart aren’t you?
Hot boy: What?
Me: Well, you don’t act like a nerd like me.
Hot boy: I prefer the term geek.
*2 second silence.*
Me: I don’t like the term geek because historically a geek was a performer in freak shows who bit the heads of chickens.
Hot boy: Why do you know that?
Me: I am just going to stop talking now.

Example 2
*Sitting and talking with hot boy. He holds my hand and smiles at me. Conversation stops. I look down at his hand.*
Me: Your fingernails are really dirty.
Hot boy: What?
Me: [Thinking] Damn you hyper observant skills!

Yep. Also these 2 conversations were with the same guy (not on the same day thankfully!) And I wondered why he didn’t text me back….

Reason #33 – Hyper observant

Because of the aforementioned OCD I tend to notice little, minuscule and probably insignificant things such as my DVDs being out of order, crumbs, loose threads, etc. 

I will probably point them out to you, just because.

Reason #24 – DVDs

I believe you can tell a lot about a person based on their DVD collection, as such I will judge you not only on your DVD collection but on how it’s organised (IF it’s organised.)

My DVD collection is perfectly organised by type (Blu-Ray, TV then movies) and then in alphabetical order. 

Some of my DVDs, note how my games are all organised too!

You may borrow from my extensive DVD collection as long as you put it back in the correct spot. If you don’t, trust me, I will notice.

Reason #8 – My future self

Liz Lemon is my future self.
This will be me in 15 years, dancing and all… probably best you get used to it now…