Reason #133 – Presentation Matters (Unfortunately)

I am lazy. So very lazy.

If I’m not going out I don’t wear make-up, I don’t do my hair, I wear trackies and a big comfy hoodie. I like being comfortable.

Occasionally on one of my comfy, home-oriented days I feel the need to venture out into the great, wide world in search of food.

When venturing the 1km or so to my local shops or supermarket, I still don’t feel the need to do my hair and make-up or even change out of my trackies. I’m in public for 10 minutes at the most. But there are times when I wish I had made an effort. Such as when I run into cute boy. I worry that my appearance will mean he will overlook me, then I think, no. I’m not going to be interested in anyone who doesn’t give me the time of day just because I wear trackies in public or my hair is a mess.

If you don’t want to talk to me because of how I present myself, fine. It’s your loss.

Reason #120 – Unsexy and Uncoordinated

As I have mentioned in previous posts I lack co-ordination and am probably one of the least sexy people on the planet. Today I found out what happens when these two traits combine (and become tangled together in a very un-sexy way.)

I go into a bakery to get lunch. I put my sunglasses on my head when I walk in, because I’m not a rockstar (yet!)

I buy my food. I turn to leave and a cute guy walks in. I smile and go to slide my sunglasses back down only to find they’re stuck in my fringe. 

I run out of there as fast as I can without risking falling. 

The perils of being a woman with bangs…
Image from Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/micahv/3727881312/?rb=1

Reason #104 – Even nature doesn’t want me dating

So I went out for coffee with a boy, but it wasn’t a date, it was more than that… I was catching up with my ex. Not the most recent one that I broke up with, but the one before that, the one who broke up with me.

Any girl who has experienced this knows the protocol – you have to look hot. Even if you feel nothing for him and you don’t want anything to happen you have to look hot! You’re not trying to win him back, you’re showing him what he’s missing.

With that at the forefront of my mind, I got ready.

• Make-up – not obvious but enough to stop me looking like a ghost – check.
• Skin tight jeans – check.
• Nice top with just a hint of cleavage – check.
• Perfectly straight hair – check.
• Pumped up kicks – check .

Of course I was late (it’s reason #92!)

Anyway when I finally get there it’s busy so we sit outside. There I am being my usual witty, charming self (well, in my mind anyway…) when something wet hits my hand. My first thought is rain (oh my god my hair!) but it’s worse… a bird has crapped on me.

Ex starts giggling and quips, “Isn’t that supposed to be good luck?”

Well I guess I’m lucky it didn’t get on my hair… I easily able to wipe it off my hand…

The point is, even nature is against me going out with boys!

Reason #31 – The shower situation [Part 3]

Psycho has had a very damaging effect on me.

If you bang on or open the door while I’m in the shower I will scream because I think I’m going to meet the same fate as Marion Crane.

I will scream like this and everything will become black and white.

Not only do I fear that I’m going to die, but that by the time someone finds me my hair will have started to dry and gone into it’s lion mane state. I don’t want someone finding me like that!

Reason #30 – The shower situation [Part 2]

This may come as a shock to some people but my hair is not straight. 

I generally straighten it (or at least tie it up) before I go anywhere so chances are most people haven’t seen my hair in its natural state. This is conscious decision on my part because I hate my hair.

If there is a time when I am dating someone and they’re staying with me or I’m staying with them it will become clear that I spend a LOT of time in the bathroom. Before you judge me, most of this time is not spent in the shower but on my hair afterwards. 

Now, if you’re a rational person, you’re probably thinking, “well, if that’s the case, you don’t need to be in the bathroom to do your hair. You can do it somewhere else so I can have the shower.”

Yeah, that’s not how it works. 

You do not understand the gravity of the situation that is my hair when I get out of the shower.

I look like a lion with a bird’s nest in its mane. 

Actually, scratch that. There are probably lions with birds nests in their manes that still have neater hair than me.

I am not kidding. It is that bad. 

You will laugh and that will make me sad. 😦 

Therefore I feel it is imperative to at least blow dry and brush my hair before exiting the bathroom.

I don’t care if I’ve left you in the lounge to make awkward conversation with my Dad, I am NOT letting you see my hair straight after a shower!

Reason #29 – The shower situation [Part 1]

Because I am psychic (or maybe just because I’ve learnt from the past…) I know that at some point in a relationship the shower will cause a problem for several reasons.

The first is that I am very, very, VERY fussy about my hair/body and what I put on it.

I will buy expensive shampoo/conditioner/shower gel/soap, etc. these are NOT for your consumption. I buy them for my use and my use only! (I think this goes back to my sharing issues again.)

I will also have several different shampoos/conditioners/shower gels and soaps in rotation at one time. This is because depending on what I’m doing I need different products that do different things. If I take up all the shelf space there is a perfectly good floor you can put your shampoo on. And no, mine cannot go on the floor because it’s expensive and I don’t want water getting in the bottle (yes, I am this fussy and I will yell at you about this!)

Reason #10 – GHD > You

I spend a lot of time and money on my hair.

If I have to choose between you and my hair straightener, unless you’re Robert Pattinson, I’m going to choose my hair straightener.