Reason #133 – Presentation Matters (Unfortunately)

I am lazy. So very lazy.

If I’m not going out I don’t wear make-up, I don’t do my hair, I wear trackies and a big comfy hoodie. I like being comfortable.

Occasionally on one of my comfy, home-oriented days I feel the need to venture out into the great, wide world in search of food.

When venturing the 1km or so to my local shops or supermarket, I still don’t feel the need to do my hair and make-up or even change out of my trackies. I’m in public for 10 minutes at the most. But there are times when I wish I had made an effort. Such as when I run into cute boy. I worry that my appearance will mean he will overlook me, then I think, no. I’m not going to be interested in anyone who doesn’t give me the time of day just because I wear trackies in public or my hair is a mess.

If you don’t want to talk to me because of how I present myself, fine. It’s your loss.

Reason #127 – The Boy I Love

I’m in love with a boy and he doesn’t love me back.

It’s that simple and complicated all at once.

Reason #112 – If I think it’s funny, I will laugh

You might not think it’s funny but that doesn’t mean it isn’t.

Case in point: boy I was seeing ripped his pants. I reacted in what I felt was the appropriate manner – I burst into fits of giggles which I then couldn’t stop.

It was pretty much just like this…

He didn’t think it was so funny for some reason…

Reason #110 – Friends aren’t always the best way

Although Tinder is becoming more popular and accepted, there’s still a certain taboo and I often find I have to justify my use of it. Most people ask why I can’t just meet people through my friends.

Trust me, I’ve tried.

Here’s why; that charmer from Reason #109 – yep, met him through a very close friend who assured me he was a good guy.

 

Reason #107 – My new favourite show

I just discovered the show Too Cute on Animal Planet.

http://animal.discovery.com/tv-shows/too-cute-kittens

It basically just ends up as an hour of me making a really high-pitched “SQUEEEEEEEEEE” noise and talking to animals on the TV.

“What’s in that box? Are you in the box?”

If I was you, I would plan a 1 hour walk around this time… Unless you want to go deaf….

Reason #104 – Even nature doesn’t want me dating

So I went out for coffee with a boy, but it wasn’t a date, it was more than that… I was catching up with my ex. Not the most recent one that I broke up with, but the one before that, the one who broke up with me.

Any girl who has experienced this knows the protocol – you have to look hot. Even if you feel nothing for him and you don’t want anything to happen you have to look hot! You’re not trying to win him back, you’re showing him what he’s missing.

With that at the forefront of my mind, I got ready.

• Make-up – not obvious but enough to stop me looking like a ghost – check.
• Skin tight jeans – check.
• Nice top with just a hint of cleavage – check.
• Perfectly straight hair – check.
• Pumped up kicks – check .

Of course I was late (it’s reason #92!)

Anyway when I finally get there it’s busy so we sit outside. There I am being my usual witty, charming self (well, in my mind anyway…) when something wet hits my hand. My first thought is rain (oh my god my hair!) but it’s worse… a bird has crapped on me.

Ex starts giggling and quips, “Isn’t that supposed to be good luck?”

Well I guess I’m lucky it didn’t get on my hair… I easily able to wipe it off my hand…

The point is, even nature is against me going out with boys!

Reason #97 – There’s clearly something wrong with me

So this is how it goes down.

Girl meets boy.

Girl and boy get talking.

Girl and boy have date and have a good time.

Now in fairytales this is where girl and boy fall in love but in my cruel reality I meet a boy, he’s smart, funny, cute and charming. We hang out. We kiss. I like him. He just stops communicating.

This has happened twice now!

And I’m back to my hating men phase again.

Reason #90 – My alter ego

I will sometime revert to my alter ego – the dealbreaker lady.

That’s a deal breaker.

If your profile picture is a “selfie” taken in the mirror – that’s a deal breaker.

If you drive an SUV and you don’t live on a farm – that’s a deal breaker.

If you don’t appreciate me doing this imitation and waving my finger in your face – that’s a deal breaker.

Preach it Liz Lemon!

Reason #77 – Choices [UPDATED]

Unfortunately we don’t get to choose who we fall in love with.

That’s why I had to leave the boy who was perfect and why I’ve currently fallen for the arsehole who seems to forget I exist until it suits him.

It’s basically like I’ve gone from being Marnie to Hannah (in the first few episodes of girls.)

I’ve gone from this…

…to this.

Reason #2 – Daddy dearest

I’m a Daddy’s girl, as a result of this Dad is slightly overprotective and has a habit of scaring any guy that shows the slightest bit of interest in me. The problem is he doesn’t seem to realise he’s doing this…