Tag Archives: Men

Reason #132 – Conspiracy Theories

There are loads of conspiracy theories around and I’ll admit that I follow some of them but there’s a particular one that I often bring up and it’s one of my own:

LIDS

Yep. You read that right. Lids. The lids of bottles and jars in particular.

Picture of jar lids

Yep. Lids just like these!

I believe these are devices made by the devil himself!…Well not the devil, but by men.

Men realised that we women were evolving exponentially faster them and that soon they would no longer be needed. Therefore they created bottle and jar lids that women can’t remove themselves thus maintaining their usefulness! It’s a conspiracy dammit!

This is my general rant when I can’t open a bottle or jar. (And if I have PMS, as I stated in my previous post this is one of the things that will make me run around yelling “ELENA SMASH!”)

I hate being 25 and still having to have someone open my juice for me. I really, really do.

I know there are ways around this, I for one am a fan of using a knife to cut the seal open, but if you’ve been reading this blog you’ll know I’m very uncoordinated so that is a very bad idea.

Hence, this is all a ploy to encourage women to keep men around!

Rant over.

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Reason #109 – I don’t do Sunday evening booty calls

Or any evening booty calls for that matter.

This is the text conversation I just had with a guy I was seeing earlier in the year:
Him: What are you up to tonight?
Me: Not much. It’s a Sunday. What about you?
Him: Yeah I’ve got zero plans. I am kinda horny though…A lot
Me: Haha and you want to booty call me on a Sunday night?
Him: Yeah…so what if I do
Me: No thank you 🙂
Him: Ok. Fair enough.

At least he took rejection well…

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Reason #108 – Because sometimes Tinder can be totally honest

tinder1

I get the feeling he likes girl’s boobs…

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Reason #99 – I’ve got 99 problems…

And this is the main one.

I am sick of mixed signals.

I am sick of fucking mind games.

Following up on the “slow fade” thing, I read some of the comments posted by users and one girl said if he takes a day to respond to a text, you should too. Don’t look desperate.

We are not 5.

Why do we still have to do this?

Why can’t I just tell someone I like them outright?

Or am I supposed to write one of these notes and get a friend of a friend to pass it to him?

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Still hating on men…

And this is why I need Taylor Swift;

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She gets it.

 

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Reason #97 – There’s clearly something wrong with me

So this is how it goes down.

Girl meets boy.

Girl and boy get talking.

Girl and boy have date and have a good time.

Now in fairytales this is where girl and boy fall in love but in my cruel reality I meet a boy, he’s smart, funny, cute and charming. We hang out. We kiss. I like him. He just stops communicating.

This has happened twice now!

And I’m back to my hating men phase again.

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Reason #89 – Tinder Pick Up Lines

So I joined Tinder and this is what happened

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Reason #77 – Choices [UPDATED]

Unfortunately we don’t get to choose who we fall in love with.

That’s why I had to leave the boy who was perfect and why I’ve currently fallen for the arsehole who seems to forget I exist until it suits him.

It’s basically like I’ve gone from being Marnie to Hannah (in the first few episodes of girls.)

I've gone from this...

I’ve gone from this…

...to this.

…to this.

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Reason #72 – Pick up lines

Some guy actually used this pick up line on me today.

Random guy: Hey love, remember me? We’ve met before.
Me: No, bye.
Random guy: C’mon
Me: [Runs away]

Really? Did he think just saying “c’mon” would make me change my mind?

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Reason #54 – I hate men sometimes

There are days when I just hate men. This is usually after being pissed off by a man who I may or may not know personally. Sometimes it’s a guy I know or I’ve met being creepy and sometimes it’s a politician being sexist. 

Even if I’m dating a guy I will still stomp around muttering about how “men are all the same.” It’s usually nothing personal (unless it’s you who has pissed me off.) I have even been known to yell at my male guinea pig on one of these days (I believe I yelled “you’re all the same. You’re only after one thing – FOOD!”)

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This is Napoleon’s ‘I want food’ face.

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