Ok, first things first, I am English therefore I use the word crisps. I continue to use it in Australia because both crisps and fries are called chips and it gets confusing. So when I say crisps I mean potato chips.
Right, now that’s out of the way, if you open a bag of crisps to share with me DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THEM! (It has to be in bold because I cannot stress this point enough!)
You look at me and I’m quite skinny so you’re probably thinking, ‘yeh, I’ll just get up and get a drink, Elena doesn’t eat much.’ Clearly my friend, you have not seen me with crisps. I generally pride myself on my great self-control, but when it comes to crisps that all goes out the window. If you leave me alone with your bag of crisps, even if it’s only for 5 minutes, when you come back, they will probably be gone and I will try to blame it on a dog or ghost or something…Or you will catch me red-handed and find me tipping the remaining crumbs into my mouth (yeh I do that thing and because I am uncoordinated, it is not pretty!)
If you want to share your crisps with me (which I see as a sign of affection so it’s very sweet of you) you will need to take them away from me at some point. I may struggle, beg and try to distract you but you must remain strong and focused and take them off me. The craving should wear off quite quickly once they’re out of my sight….hopefully before I think I’m pregnant with the Cheetos cheetah’s baby… (or whatever that thing was on Liz Lemon’s crisp packet.)
This is why I'm single... 