Tag Archives: Fail

Reason #139 – Ice cream and chocolate

I love ice cream.

I love chocolate.

Therefore I really love when they’re both combined, such as in the case of Cornettos and Drumsticks.

So you would think my perfect date would involve one of these…no.

I have a slight issue with these ice creams – mainly that I can only eat them in private because well…umm…this happens:

Homer Simpson with ice cream on his face

I get ice cream all over my face

Yep. Just like a child.

No matter how careful I am I always end up with chocolate all over my face. Mainly my nose.

I have no idea how (and no big nose jokes)

Therefore it’s best to just not eat them in public…unless there’s a bathroom close by that I can dash into with a napkin over my mouth pretending I’m having a coughing fit.

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Reason #120 – Unsexy and Uncoordinated

As I have mentioned in previous posts I lack co-ordination and am probably one of the least sexy people on the planet. Today I found out what happens when these two traits combine (and become tangled together in a very un-sexy way.)

I go into a bakery to get lunch. I put my sunglasses on my head when I walk in, because I’m not a rockstar (yet!)

I buy my food. I turn to leave and a cute guy walks in. I smile and go to slide my sunglasses back down only to find they’re stuck in my fringe. 

I run out of there as fast as I can without risking falling. 

Image of woman with sunglasses tangled in hair

The perils of being a woman with bangs…
Image from Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/micahv/3727881312/?rb=1

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Reason #117 – I forget…

I sometime forget what I was talking about mid-sentence.

When this happens I will walk out of the room and walk back in, in the hope I remember it… or I’ll just stand there like this…

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Reason #104 – Even nature doesn’t want me dating

So I went out for coffee with a boy, but it wasn’t a date, it was more than that… I was catching up with my ex. Not the most recent one that I broke up with, but the one before that, the one who broke up with me.

Any girl who has experienced this knows the protocol – you have to look hot. Even if you feel nothing for him and you don’t want anything to happen you have to look hot! You’re not trying to win him back, you’re showing him what he’s missing.

With that at the forefront of my mind, I got ready.

  • Make-up – not obvious but enough to stop me looking like a ghost – check.
  • Skin tight jeans – check.
  • Nice top with just a hint of cleavage – check.
  • Perfectly straight hair – check.
  • Pumped up kicks – check .

Of course I was late (it’s reason #92!)

Anyway when I finally get there it’s busy so we sit outside. There I am being my usual witty, charming self (well, in my mind anyway…) when something wet hits my hand. My first thought is rain (oh my god my hair!) but it’s worse… a bird has crapped on me.

Ex starts giggling and quips, “Isn’t that supposed to be good luck?”

Well I guess I’m lucky it didn’t get on my hair… I easily able to wipe it off my hand…

The point is, even nature is against me going out with boys!

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Reason #101 – Nightlights and Confessions

So I a couple of weeks ago I had a boy over to watch football with me. 

He went to use the bathroom and when he came back, I of course managed to put my foot in it:

Him: Are you afraid of the dark?
Me: No! Is this about the nightlight?
Him: It’s just there are a lot of lights on when you’re here by yourself…wait what? *Starts laughing*
Me: It’s not what you think!
Him: *raises eyebrow*
Me: I keep tripping over at night so Dad put a nightlight in the hall so I can see where I’m going… not that it helps…
Him: *laughing again*

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Reason #96 – When I fall…

Don’t you dare laugh!!

You are to help me up and make sure I’m ok.

Then I will probably trip you to make myself feel better.

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Reason #95 – When you fall…

I will laugh because it’s hilarious.

…Then I’ll check you’re all right.

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Reason #46 – I lack coordination

If I was an animal, I would be a penguin because I am extremely uncoordinated on land and more graceful in the water (well…not really…but I’m not usually in the water so no one has to check this.) 

(I really relate to this video.)

If When I fall over, you are not to laugh! You are to help me up and check I’m ok.

I might trip you in return so I don’t feel as stupid. 

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