Tag Archives: Stupid

Reason #137 – I don’t learn

The routine is always exfoliate then shave and there is a reason for this, which is it freaking hurts to do it the other way.

I have sensitive skin so it’s especially painful for me.

Clearly, I know this, yet on Saturday I found myself shaving without exfoliating first. Now this in itself is not a problem. There is no rule saying you have to exfoliate before shaving, but you should NOT do it after and what do you think I did?

While a normal person would think, “oh I forgot to exfoliate first, never mind, I’ll just leave it for today.” Me, I think, “oh maybe I’ll just do it after, I’m sure it won’t be the same as last time.” And what do you think happened? Yep. Rash. I spent all of Saturday night and Sunday sulking with red, itchy legs.

Do not laugh or say I told you so or even dare bring this up when I do it again!

(Also do NOT type razor burn or shaving rash into Google images. Hopefully I will learn from this at least!)

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Reason #136 – I say it’s stupid but…

I am not a fan of body-shaming. As soon as someone publishes a new article about what the perfect person (or part of them, such as the oh-so-joyful thigh gap) looks like, I publicly start ranting about it. Twitter, Facebook, friends and sometimes even here, I will condemn the objectification of our bodies (both women and men) and talk about positive body image, individuality, beauty being skin deep, blah blah blah. I sound like I don’t care if I have a thigh gap or bikini bridge or whatever new reason we’re not perfect is, but secretly I do.

The Daily Mail published this article the other day about the newest body ideal for us to obsess over, the “nipple meridian.” Joy.

So, being the Daily Mail who’s regular readers don’t erm… read…they included a helpful diagram

Infographic from the Daily Mail of the nipple meridian

The Nipple Meridian – The Daily Mail’s guide

Basically the attractiveness of breasts is based on a 45:55 ratio. Yep. 45% above the nipple and 55% below.

You don’t have to tell me this is stupid. I know it is. It’s proven by the fact it was published in the Daily Mail. I’ve already written about my hatred of being judged based on my appearance (most recently here) but after reading this (well not the Daily Mail, I read an article in the Age about how stupid the article in the Daily Mail was) I instantly checked my own nipple meridian. Not only that, I almost contacted an ex to ask him if he thought my nipples were in the 45:55 ratio (note the use of the word almost, I realised that would be really insane and put the phone down).

This is not the first time I’ve done this. When I heard about the thigh gap I immediately jumped up and stood with my legs together in front of the mirror to see if I had one (if you must know, I didn’t). With the bikini bridge I instantly laid down and checked if there was a gap between my hip bones and abdomen (and I actually squealed with delight when there was).

I understand that these things are stupid (and in most cases unattainable) and I wouldn’t want to date anyone who wanted me to have a thigh gap but that doesn’t mean I’m not self-conscious.

Basically, I’m a hypocrite.

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Reason #134 – Twas Convenience, Not Curiosity, that Killed the Cat

As mentioned in my previous post I can be lazy, that’s why I was so excited by the innovation that is spray-on moisturiser. It’s so easy! No bending or trying to figure out the right amount needed – just spray and rub in and you can get all those hard to reach places, it’s like a triple win!

Picture of Palmers spray moisturiser

In case you wondered, this is the moisturiser I’m using and no I am not getting paid to promote it (though I wish I was!)

Now, you’re probably wondering what this has to do with…well…anything. OK here’s the problem, while spray is very convenient and quick (and ok, fun!) it has a downside. It gets on the floor and makes it slippery.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you will know that I am quite possibly the most uncoordinated person on this planet, so what do you think happens when I use spray moisturiser? Yep. I slip. While a normal, rational and reasonable person might think, “well maybe I just won’t use it anymore,” I have a very annoying little voice in my head whining at me, “but it’s just soooo easy!!”

Warning slippery floor sign

I make slipping look fun!

I had reached an impasse. That’s when I had a brilliant idea – I will stand in the shower when I spray. I can just feel you rolling your eyes at me and thinking, “oh my God, what a moron.” Yes. It was a stupid idea. Shower is already slippery. Adding slippery moisturiser means it’s MORE slippery. So I still slip and I also end up cleaning the shower afterwards so it probably ends up taking the same amount of time that it would have if I had just used ordinary moisturiser. But the nagging voice persists.

So yes, despite all this, I will still use spray-on moisturiser and I will still complain about its slippery-ness. Don’t try to change me. Just accept the fact that my laziness might one day kill me.

See, t’was truly convenience, not curiosity, that killed the cat (the cat being me).

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Reason #101 – Nightlights and Confessions

So I a couple of weeks ago I had a boy over to watch football with me. 

He went to use the bathroom and when he came back, I of course managed to put my foot in it:

Him: Are you afraid of the dark?
Me: No! Is this about the nightlight?
Him: It’s just there are a lot of lights on when you’re here by yourself…wait what? *Starts laughing*
Me: It’s not what you think!
Him: *raises eyebrow*
Me: I keep tripping over at night so Dad put a nightlight in the hall so I can see where I’m going… not that it helps…
Him: *laughing again*

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